Psychotherapy and counselling for intimate partner violence (IPV), spousal abuse, and relationship abuse
Recovery from domestic or family violence isn’t a straight line, it’s a tender, deeply personal journey that unfolds at your own pace. At first, it may look like simply surviving: getting through the day, finding small moments of calm, or remembering to breathe. You might feel a swirl of emotions, sadness, anger, relief, confusion, hope. All of them are valid.
Over time, recovery can mean rediscovering your voice, setting boundaries, and learning to trust yourself again. It might mean reconnecting with people who make you feel safe, or finding support through counselling, support groups, or programmes such as The Freedom Programme, which explores the dynamics of abusive or controlling relationships including dating violence and spousal abuse, and helps
survivors understand the patterns of power and control that often underpin them. It’s not about blame; it’s about awareness, healing, and reclaiming your sense of self.
When Things Feel Worse Before They Feel Better
One of the more surprising parts of recovery is that sometimes things can feel harder once you’re out of the situation that caused you harm. Many people find that anxiety, distress, or even panic increase after leaving. This isn’t a sign of failure; it’s actually a sign of safety. When you were in danger, your body and mind are focused on survival. Only once there’s some sense of safety can your system begin to release
the feelings you had to suppress just to get through. It can feel overwhelming, but it’s part of the natural healing process, a sign that your body finally believes it’s safe enough to feel.
The Messy Middle: Healing in Relationship
In psychotherapy, particularly from a psychodynamic and attachment-focused perspective, we understand that healing involves revisiting the emotional patterns that shaped how you relate to yourself and others. This can mean feeling worse before feeling better, as long-held defences begin to soften and deeper emotions emerge.
Working with a Bromley and South East London psychotherapist can offer a confidential, steady space to explore this. Together we can make sense of what has happened and how it has affected your capacity for trust, safety, and connection, whether your experience involved relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence. If you’re considering psychotherapy in Bromley, you’re very welcome to get
in touch with me for an initial conversation. Therapy can provide a safe, compassionate place to work through your experiences and begin to rebuild a more secure and peaceful sense of self, at a pace that feels right for you.
Local and National Support
Alongside therapy, there are organisations and programmes that can offer practical and emotional help to anyone affected by domestic or relationship abuse, including dating violence and family violence. You don’t have to do this alone…
National Resources
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 24-hour freephone service: 0808 2000 247
- Women’s Aid – support, advice, and safe accommodation for women and children
- The Freedom Programme – a group course helping survivors understand abusive behaviour and regain confidence
Local Resources
- Men’s Advice Line – support for men experiencing domestic abuse Local resources (Bromley, Bexley, and Croydon):
- Bromley and Croydon Domestic Abuse Service – practical and emotional support for anyone affected by domestic abuse
- Bexley Domestic Abuse Services – local support and advice
For Friends and Family
If someone you care about is recovering from domestic abuse, it can be painful to witness their distress. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or unsure what to say. The best thing you can offer is steady, non-judgemental presence. Avoid rushing them or suggesting they “move on.” Healing unfolds at its own pace. Listen more than you speak. Remind them gently that they are believed, they are not alone, and there’s no “right” way to recover.
And it’s important to acknowledge that supporting someone through this can take its toll. You might also need space to process your own emotions, fear, sadness, anger, exhaustion. Therapy can be a supportive place for friends and family too. If you’re based locally and finding this difficult, you’re also welcome to contact me to explore how psychotherapy might help you support yourself while supporting
someone you love.
A Closing Thought
Healing from domestic abuse, family violence, or spousal abuse is not about erasing the past, it’s about living differently with it. It’s about noticing moments of light, returning laughter that feels real again, a night’s sleep without fear, the slow return of trust. It’s about knowing that even when the journey feels circular or uncertain, you’re still moving.
If you’re somewhere along that path, even quietly, even slowly, you’re doing something incredibly brave.
About the Author
Samantha Merry a psychodynamic psychotherapist based in Bromley, South East London. I offer individual psychotherapy with a special interest in trauma,